How Transforming from a People Pleaser to an Accountable Leader Changed My Career Forever

My heart sank when I read the words that would change my leadership style forever.

“She does not take personal responsibility for the failures of others.”

And they added…

“She is the anti-leader when it comes to that.”

Dang. Even rereading this now 4 years later makes me squirm.

I was newly promoted to a VP role and our exec team had 360 surveys done to help us figure out what was working and what wasn’t.

I went into it confident.

I had worked there for a couple of years already and was close with a team of 58. I assumed I was well-liked by everyone.

And that was my problem.

I wanted to be liked. I’ve always been a people pleaser and thats the context I gave the feedback. I felt hurt. I took the feedback personally.

After a glass (or bottle) of wine and reading through the rest of the comments I went to work.

I was called out for my lack of ownership. My lack of holding people accountable. Letting the team get away with things. And for being defensive.

But that was only a few people, right?

Out of the 58 people I had 5 haters. It’s really easy to look at that and say 53 people loved me and I’m doing a great job.

I had to decide if that was good enough for me.

It wasn’t. I knew that if one person felt like this, there was an opportunity for me to improve. That there was room for growth. And an opportunity for me to practice humility.

I didn’t become the perfect leader after this. But I learned a few lessons.

— Feedback isn’t meant to be taken personally. But it is personal to the one giving it. My actions at the office affected someone else’s day-to-day job and happiness.

— Being liked doesn’t make me a successful leader. A leader is successful when they own their performance, when they hold their teams accountable, and help them grow.

— I cant hide behind good news. When 90% is great, its easy to be complacent. Getting that last 10% requires getting uncomfortable.

— It’s SOOO important as a leader that we seek feedback. Feedback has to flow in both directions. It’s meant to go up the ladder. And you have to act on it to grow.

Have you ever gotten difficult feedback? What did you do with it?